Here I Raise My Ebenezer

I read it in a book about worship one time--that we should probably stop singing that verse of Come Thou Fount where it references "Ebenezer" because the author guaranteed no one in our current-day congregations knows what an Ebenezer is. Well, I am most certainly excluded from that. Sometime, a long time ago, I looked up the meaning of Ebenezer and have since loved that verse. An Ebenezer is a commemoration of divine assistance. A marking of God's provision. A way of remembering his faithfulness. (An example from scripture would be from the book of Joshua--the twelve stones that the Israelites took out of the Jordan River to remember when God dried up the water to allow them and the ark of the covenant to pass through on dry ground.)

The last couple of days I have reflected on 2017 and what all it held for me. And, to be honest, these days have felt heavy and dismal, and sometimes it can be hard for me to see the light when I am in that state of being. In an act of obedience and gratitude and an effort to "see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living," I will recount God's faithful provision to me.

God provided, as usual, in unexpected ways. An opportunity to trust him by leading us to open up our hands and our home and our family and welcome another person into it. A road that was untested and unmarked. A road that still looms out ahead of us, unclear, but he will walk alongside of us, all the way home.

God provided for us financially every time we turned around it seemed. It didn't look like a raise or a new money-earning job or even a lessening of our expenses. (2017 definitely didn't have that in store for us--Thank you, new HVAC unit and surgery fees). Provision looked a lot like my neighbor walking over with five pounds of venison to share, and someone slipping a folded-up $100 bill into my palm at preschool one morning, and my friend who gave us a gift card to help with the back-to-school expenses. My other neighbor who put money in our mailbox with a card: "God told me to, and he always knows." My friend who said, "I'd love to get your lunch today." Our friends who brought meals after the surgery, and the large sum of money that was given to us to help with our hospital bills. The money that came in the mail to help with setting up a new bedroom, buying a mattress. A friend who brought us a bed frame and headboard and painted it, too. The mechanic who said, "It's not a fuel injector, just a spark plug." (Even though it was the fourth time that month that we had a vehicle in the shop.) God's provision included Medicaid for our children and not worrying about having to pay for Zimrie's extensive ear infections and hearing test and follow-ups. Or Jonah's stay in the hospital. (Was that really this year?) Most importantly, God provided a path for us to go down that didn't involve us falling back on our own preparation. It involved leaning into his provision. And doing things that didn't quite make sense on paper.

God provided friends to talk me through all this year had to offer. Friends I could ask to meet up and get coffee. Friends from whom I solicited much advice and guidance. I'm looking at you, Amy and Janet. Friends I could ask to pray for me, and who I know would follow through. God provided a church community where we could study, learn, and grow together. Two women's Bible studies for me to participate in, to listen to other people's thoughts, to pray together. Was it just this year? God gave me an opportunity to speak at the women's retreat last February. Public speaking is such a huge fear of mine. But God helped me, gave me people to pray for me, and a great community who listened and responded. That was a huge mark of God's provision in my emotional life.

Then there was an intense cluster of migraine headaches, that inexplicably went away. Thank you, God. Date nights, new friends, the opportunity to cook for people with illness or new babies. Seth and I got to see John Mulaney for our anniversary. I got to take a girls trip to the EFCA conference in Austin.

God gave me so many good books to read! One of my favorite came right at the end of the year. I feel like Shannan Martin is miles ahead of my on the road of living sacrificially, but I am happy that I can see the path.

God provided the time to start praying the divine office, liturgy at certain points throughout the day. And while I am far, far from faithful to that practice. I find myself looking forward to the nourishment throughout my day. 2018 is looking to be full of prayer. Thank you, babe, for my Christmas presents. :)

God provided Asher a wonderful teacher this year, whom we all love. He thrives at school. Zimrie loves school, too. His headaches have decreased significantly. Jonah is a happy and healthy rambunctious boy. He loves his siblings. Noelle is a perfect fit for our family and is much-loved by us all.

God has given Seth and I things to work on together, to be excited about together. I am so happy God gave me him to walk alongside in this life. Even while we debate the division of emotional labor when it comes to cleaning bathrooms and waking up with the kids.

When we were dating I painted this and gave it to Seth. It is a depiction of an Ebenezer. The twelve stones in commemoration of God's faithfulness at the Jordan River, as the sign says. It's hard to see, but at the top is the second half of Psalm 81:10 "I am the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."

I feel like 2017 has been God, opening up our hands and our mouths, and then filling them with more goodness than I would have grasped at for myself.

*artwork by Kate Fried