Asher started preschool yesterday. I started the morning at 4:00 am, up with Zimrie and the thunderstorm. 6:00 had Zim back to sleep while I made Asher's breakfast of choice so that Seth could eat before work. We took Ash to school where the only tears were shed by Zimrie who desperately wanted to stay. But Zim and I went to our play date and it was so very nice! I kept thinking, "Oh, I need to check and see what Asher's doing!" and "Where is Asher?" Followed by the realization that he was at school, that I had only one kid to take care of right then. Zimrie can self-entertain pretty well, so I had uninterrupted conversations with the other moms and was able to sit down and eat my snack without getting up and could actually focus on him when he needed help with something. I know it's a little taboo to say, but it was wonderful!
That little 2.5 hour break two days a week is going to be great. I'm excited about it. I'm excited to spend time alone with Zimrie since I've never really gotten to before. I'm excited to have only one kid to put in and out of the car while I run errands in town. And I'm excited that I know that Ash is being challenged and loved and that he is learning and growing.
When he finally decided to tell Seth and I about school, he was so excited. He made a glitter crown with his name on it and all the kids were princes and princesses. He did jumping jacks. And he made a new friend. He "played with blocks so much." And he ate a banana and a cookie and drank some juice. And he said that they "get to" pretend that there's a zipper on their lips and they "get to" have quiet time. And he had circle time on the floor and "sat on two A's."
I have moments when we budget our tuition check each month for the school year when I think, "This is extravagant." That I could do the same things at home for less money. Besides the fact that 1.) this would totally miss out on the social aspect and 2.) that I probably wouldn't do all those things anyway, even if we budgeted for them. There is also this fact I'm realizing.... I don't want to. I don't. That is probably also a little taboo, and I have lots of friends who homeschool and this may seem like sacrilege. But there it is. This may change one day. Some days I hope it will. There are times that I want to plan and organize activities for the kids, but really, after thirty minutes of bathtub paints, I am done. I would enjoy the flexibility of homeschooling and the extra time we would have to do other things, like volunteering or taking family trips to historical sites, or whatever. But that time would probably be monopolized by my anxiety and planning and stress and questions of: Am I doing this right? Am I teaching them well? Are they learning the right information? And the kids' struggles to only do what they want. (Not to mention the fact that my kids automatically become little angels when they are with another adult in authority.)
When I was researching a lot about homeschooling, one mother wrote on her blog that no one argues that the best thing you can do for your kid is to homeschool. That is obviously the best thing for the kid. What's hard about it is that no parent wants to. Of course every adult would rather be working and interacting with their peers than driving their kid to specialized lessons and sitting with them through algebra problems. She then went on to write about how her marriage was falling apart and how she spent eight hours a day in the car on her cell phone since she was trying to work at the same time as driving her kids to their lessons. And how she suffered from extreme anxiety, but all of that was worth it because her kid's education was her highest priority.
I was very unconvinced by her argument. I know she is at the far end of the "unschooled" spectrum, and I know lots of people that function perfectly well and happily while they teach their kids. But I could see myself as this woman. As really struggling to maintain boundaries with all the other areas of life. Of constantly feeling like I need to work harder, to be better. Of the constant questions and stress and battles with the kids.
And I do still feel a little haunted. Am I choosing public school because it's easier? Is it okay if that is what I'm doing? Am I pawning my kids and their issues off on someone else? Am I relinquishing some of my basic responsibilities? Will my kids suffer? If they don't like school do I make them stick it out or do I bring them home and teach them?
I am also extremely unconvinced by all the homeschooling statistics out there. I don't think the evidence is causative. The high grades and high test scores and the other accolades generally awarded to students out of the homeschooling system are, sure, correlated to the fact that they were homeschooled. But the primary, underlying issue is the involvement of the parents. Obviously the parents of homeschoolers are involved. But the parents of kids in public schools run the broad spectrum. If you are involved in either vein, surely your child will have better results.
Anyway, I didn't even mean for this to become a post about home vs. public. I meant to write about wanting to open a consignment store! But obviously, this is something I'm still thinking my way through. I in no way mean to hurt the feelings of anyone that is or was homeschooling. I'm just trying to make sense of a decision that Seth and I make and will continue to make every year. And to say that I'm grateful for all the teachers out there who have training and education and experience that lets them do what they do so that I don't have to. :)
That little 2.5 hour break two days a week is going to be great. I'm excited about it. I'm excited to spend time alone with Zimrie since I've never really gotten to before. I'm excited to have only one kid to put in and out of the car while I run errands in town. And I'm excited that I know that Ash is being challenged and loved and that he is learning and growing.
When he finally decided to tell Seth and I about school, he was so excited. He made a glitter crown with his name on it and all the kids were princes and princesses. He did jumping jacks. And he made a new friend. He "played with blocks so much." And he ate a banana and a cookie and drank some juice. And he said that they "get to" pretend that there's a zipper on their lips and they "get to" have quiet time. And he had circle time on the floor and "sat on two A's."
I have moments when we budget our tuition check each month for the school year when I think, "This is extravagant." That I could do the same things at home for less money. Besides the fact that 1.) this would totally miss out on the social aspect and 2.) that I probably wouldn't do all those things anyway, even if we budgeted for them. There is also this fact I'm realizing.... I don't want to. I don't. That is probably also a little taboo, and I have lots of friends who homeschool and this may seem like sacrilege. But there it is. This may change one day. Some days I hope it will. There are times that I want to plan and organize activities for the kids, but really, after thirty minutes of bathtub paints, I am done. I would enjoy the flexibility of homeschooling and the extra time we would have to do other things, like volunteering or taking family trips to historical sites, or whatever. But that time would probably be monopolized by my anxiety and planning and stress and questions of: Am I doing this right? Am I teaching them well? Are they learning the right information? And the kids' struggles to only do what they want. (Not to mention the fact that my kids automatically become little angels when they are with another adult in authority.)
When I was researching a lot about homeschooling, one mother wrote on her blog that no one argues that the best thing you can do for your kid is to homeschool. That is obviously the best thing for the kid. What's hard about it is that no parent wants to. Of course every adult would rather be working and interacting with their peers than driving their kid to specialized lessons and sitting with them through algebra problems. She then went on to write about how her marriage was falling apart and how she spent eight hours a day in the car on her cell phone since she was trying to work at the same time as driving her kids to their lessons. And how she suffered from extreme anxiety, but all of that was worth it because her kid's education was her highest priority.
I was very unconvinced by her argument. I know she is at the far end of the "unschooled" spectrum, and I know lots of people that function perfectly well and happily while they teach their kids. But I could see myself as this woman. As really struggling to maintain boundaries with all the other areas of life. Of constantly feeling like I need to work harder, to be better. Of the constant questions and stress and battles with the kids.
And I do still feel a little haunted. Am I choosing public school because it's easier? Is it okay if that is what I'm doing? Am I pawning my kids and their issues off on someone else? Am I relinquishing some of my basic responsibilities? Will my kids suffer? If they don't like school do I make them stick it out or do I bring them home and teach them?
I am also extremely unconvinced by all the homeschooling statistics out there. I don't think the evidence is causative. The high grades and high test scores and the other accolades generally awarded to students out of the homeschooling system are, sure, correlated to the fact that they were homeschooled. But the primary, underlying issue is the involvement of the parents. Obviously the parents of homeschoolers are involved. But the parents of kids in public schools run the broad spectrum. If you are involved in either vein, surely your child will have better results.
Anyway, I didn't even mean for this to become a post about home vs. public. I meant to write about wanting to open a consignment store! But obviously, this is something I'm still thinking my way through. I in no way mean to hurt the feelings of anyone that is or was homeschooling. I'm just trying to make sense of a decision that Seth and I make and will continue to make every year. And to say that I'm grateful for all the teachers out there who have training and education and experience that lets them do what they do so that I don't have to. :)
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